Do You Carry the Mental Load of Your Family? Does Your Partner Help?


I came across this not-sure-what-to-call-it essay? comic? illustrated op-ed? last week and I keep thinking about it. It’s called You Should’ve Asked, and was translated from French — which I mention because it’s a reminder that the experience described in the essay isn’t confined to my life in the U.S., but may be fairly universal.

I shared it on Facebook and it started some good conversations. I hope you get to read it. It talks about the mental load of household tasks and household management and parenting, and how that mental load is almost entirely borne by women. And that even if women have partners who are willing to help, it doesn’t really relieve the mental burden.

A quote from the essay:

“What our partners are really saying, when they ask us to tell them what needs to be done, is that they refuse to take on their share of the mental load.”

If you get a chance to read it, I’d love to hear if you relate. In our house, I definitely carried most of the mental load as we started out, but Ben Blair has taken on more and more as the years have gone on. And it makes a huge difference. I don’t think I could have built Design Mom if he hadn’t taken on some of that mental work. Though I realize it’s still not totally balanced. I probably feel the imbalance most around birthdays and holidays — the mental work for these continues to fall almost entirely to me. What about you?

The post Do You Carry the Mental Load of Your Family? Does Your Partner Help? appeared first on Design Mom.

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